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I have been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably realised better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, and she left unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in the relationship is as the audience. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is arranging a vacation abroad I know well on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought validation of her plans. I have ended a month there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go during your discussions. It should be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell the way it makes you feel. There should be no dispute on this point. Emotions are valid, naturally. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. But she may at first react like this and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you closure knowing you were honest with her.